My mother has always had a saying, “When god closes a door, he opens a window.” I do not share my mother’s faith, but I have felt the universe steering me in a particular direction, and seen first hand how when it seems as if you’ve hit rock bottom, an opportunity will present itself. I believe in synchronicity. The only trick is knowing the opportunity when it presents itself and having the courage to follow your heart. Which choice is the right one to make? Did I just close a door that I should have walked through? How can I know?
I am not a particularly courageous person, and I tend to be resistant to change, but I work hard at what I do, and I like to think that I try very hard to do the right thing. When I make a choice, I want to believe that I made the right choice, but I can't know - I guess that's part of the beauty in life...branching paths, each one shrouded in mystery. The past is the past, and we all try to let go of the past and move into the future – sometimes it seems as if any future would do, if only you could reach it.
I am an artist, a dancer, a scientist, a friend, and I want so badly to be myself all day long with courage and fearlessness, loving every moment and experiencing all that life has to offer to its fullest. Yet, I am scared. No matter what I want, money is always going to be a factor, and just because you love something with all of your heart and want to do it doesn't mean that anyone will pay you for it. We need food, we need shelter, we need car insurance...it sucks sometimes, but such is the reality of life.
Choices...and weighing things. Sometimes something has to fall to the wayside. Sometimes we have to let things, people, moments, opportunities pass us by. It's not easy, but my mother has another saying..."god doesn't send us more than we can handle." I think that one is a bit more depressing than the first, but what it means to me is that you stand up - you stand up and shoulder your burden, whatever it may be. You make your choices and you live with them, because no one can have it all, and sometimes choosing one thing that you love means letting go of another.
I love to dance, and I need it. I need it the way I need air, for when I'm not dancing regularly, it feels as if my body and mind are suffocating. I also love creating beautiful things - silks, henna, jewelry - colors and patterns, the play of light on fabric. I choose to dedicate my life to these things, and I have decided that I will throw myself at my art with everything that I am. Choices. I have made a choice.